Conversational Techniques to Improve Interpersonal Communication – Part 1

In this fast paced high tech world, as we become increasingly reliant on social media and other technical means of communication, the art of effective conversations, to enhance interpersonal communication, is falling to the wayside. As therapists, we often hear from children and adults struggling to connect with people they like or work with, wondering how to strike up conversations with strangers and acquaintances alike and feeling lost even when they want to continue the conversation.

After speaking with hundreds of children and adults, in the course of my practice, I have come up with a list of a few techniques, and anyone can utilize to improve their skills in initiating and holding effective, in-depth and meaningful conversations. These techniques are practical to remember and utilize in striking up conversations at work and school, meeting people at parties and deepening conversations in any setting

1. Eye contact: In most western cultures, eye contact is symbolic of honesty, interest, and engagement. Cultivating good eye contact is essential and is the first step in creating connections. Also, it’s just as important to be aware of one’s facial expression that supports the eye contact. A frown accompanying one’s attempt at eye contact can be seen as hostility, a very different action when eye contact is accompanied with a smile. Try softening your features while you make eye contact.

2. Smile: A smile speaks a thousand words. It exudes warmth, interest, and care. A soft smile can be quite powerful coupled with eye contact and softening of facial features, overall an engaging and attractive package

3. Show interest and enthusiasm in the person and what they are saying: This can be demonstrated with appropriate body language, like leaning in, nodding along, using words like, ‘wow,’ ‘I can imagine’ and even ‘tell me more.’ Pay attention to what the person is saying, show interest in the person like their clothes, or food, it can be small or seemingly unimportant to you. Even small topics can be quickly developed into something more meaningful and in-depth.

4. Empathy,sympathy, care and consideration: The psychologist Edward Titchener (1867–1927) introduced the term “empathy” in 1909 into the English language as the translation of the German term “Einfühlung” (or “feeling into”) (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy). Empathy, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of other.’ The capacity to show empathy, sympathy, care, and support is imperative in building deep and meaningful connections and consequently relationships. People appreciate genuine emotions, and it makes them feel supported. In conversations, it’s important to show care and consideration.

5.Show sincerity: Show genuine interest in that person through your words, actions and body language. Some may try and fake but it may soon be apparent and can backfire. Hence, when showing empathy and care, be genuine. You don’t have to use too many words and explanations, just a few carefully chosen ones would suffice. If there is a topic you find uninteresting, explore another you are interested in.

6. Focus, don’t be distracted: In conversations, it’s important to pay attention to the other person. Focus and attention denote your interest and engagement in their conversation. It’s important to be mindful of body language, such as leaning in during a conversation, whether seated or standing. Keep arms and legs uncrossed, nod at certain points and face the person.

7. Touch: There is tremendous power in touch, most cultures use it to greet, form bonds and connect. Unless there are cultural reasons, most people are open to handshakes, men and women alike. A handshake should be firm and quick, hand dry. A touch on the arm, shoulder shows familiarity and comfort.

8. Use names, show respect: When meeting people get to know their names, ask them how to address them. One way to remember names is to repeat it to yourself several times or connect it with something familiar or an alphabet. Another way is to make notes on their business cards or in the phone contact list.

9. Active listening: Active listening is a technique often used in improving all kinds of relationships, personal and professional. Some basics of active listening are,  not interrupting, listening to what they have to say, paraphrasing or mirroring, asking questions based on their responses and using proper responses.

10. Handle interruptions effectively: If interrupted, go back to the conversation, it shows respect for the person. People are flattered when their conversations are not forgotten